It is almost bluebell time again, here in Devon. The first ones are already out and soon there will be carpets of them all through the woods near where we live. I blogged about that today, as a matter of fact, as those of you who follow my blog may already have seen. Not just about bluebells but about woods and how lucky I am to live near one. Especially at this time of year, when the leaves are beginning to burst and the air is alive with birdsong. 

FEATURE ARTICLES

Old, Gray, and Proud of It: bucking the trend towards age-denial

 By Marian Van Eyk McCain

It was the summer of 1980. 

I came back from town with my new reading glasses and put them on the table in their plastic case. "My first pair," I said to my partner. "I'm getting old, aren't I?" 

"Don't worry about it" he replied. "You still look young to me. Anyway it's no good being upset about  getting old. We all get old eventually." He gave me a big bear hug.

"I know," I sniffed, burying my nose in his warm shoulder. "But it's just that I don't want to get old while I'm still young." That was undoubtedly one of the most nonsensical statements I ever made (and I still get teased about it, thirty years later) but he knew what I meant. 

I bought a pretty chain for that first pair of specs and adjusted to my new self-image. After all, some of my work colleagues had them too. We joked about them, just as we joked about our failing memories and our 'middle-age spread.' Just as, a few years later, we would joke about our hot flashes (the wonderful term 'power surges' had not been invented back then. Or if it had, I hadn’t yet heard it.) 

The problem with distance vision crept up on me so slowly that I was only vaguely aware of it  - until the day I missed a bus stop through my inability to read a street sign. This time, the optician prescribed variable focus lenses. 

The day I collected them, I went home on the bus. Glancing at people's reflections in the bus window, I noticed an elderly woman with gray hair and spectacles and quite a few wrinkles. My vision sharpened with the new lenses, I stared at her, only to recoil in horror when I realized who she was. Me. 

I realized something else in that split second, too. Which was that like so many other women in our culture, I’d acquired the 'eek!freak!squeak!' reaction to aging.

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Like those early electric wall clocks whose big hand used to lurch judderingly forward every sixty seconds, we often become aware of our own aging process in separate, jerky moments, rather than feeling it as a smooth, continuous  movement through time. The first gray hair; the first pair of glasses; the first discovery of age spots or wrinkles. 

Suddenly, I saw two visions in my mind at once, as on a split screen, like watching two different movies at the same time. The movie on the left featured me as a young teenager, surrounded by my friends, as we huddled around the school radiators, talking about periods and brassieres and boys and wishing we could outgrow our acne, grow bigger breasts, grow up, leave school, drink alcohol legally, stay out all night, be movie stars..... 

The movie on the right was replaying all those rueful comments about reading glasses and distance glasses, failing memories, hot flashes and the backwards yearning for a flat tummy and perky breasts. 

Somewhere, I thought, there must a point where those two scenarios meet in the middle. But what is it? Try as I would, I couldn’t remember the moment when it felt absolutely perfect to be exactly the age I was. How dumb is that? 

It dawned on me, then, that part of the spiritual task of accepting ourselves as we are is to accept ourselves as the age we are. Wishing we were younger – or older – is not only ridiculous, since there’s nothing we can do to change our age, it’s also a total waste of time. The past is gone, the future hasn’t happened and the only true reality is the present moment. Living fully in each moment is, as all the sages from every wisdom tradition, including Christianity, agree, the only key to happiness and contentment. 

Now, that the baby boomers start into their sixties, I notice a lot of 'eek!freak!squeak!’ going on. A lot of denial, too. Plug the phrase 'anti-aging' into Google and you get an unbelievable 2,670,000 entries. Cosmetic surgery, Botox, thousands of dollars being spent every day by women trying to look younger than they are, while half the world’s children starve. What’s wrong with this picture? 

But I must try not to judge my sisters harshly. I mustn’t forget how I felt, that day I saw myself in the bus window. Since we live in a culture that is fixated on youth, all of us, to some degree, have absorbed the (erroneous) message that young is beautiful and old is ugly, even though, deep down, we know that the only true beauty comes from within. 

I believe instead of pandering to it we owe it to ourselves and to our daughters and granddaughters to change this stupid, outdated conditioning. We owe it to ourselves to strip away the shallow standards of 'beauty' that the fashion industry, the cosmetics industry and most of all the advertising industry all feed on. We’re being exploited, and it is time we stood up and said a huge "NO!" The most radical thing we can do – and the most beneficial – is to dare to be ourselves, as we are, old, gray and proud of it. 

I jolly well earned every one of these wrinkles I see in the mirror. I earned every one of those age spots on my skin and I earned my gray hair. It is starting to turn white now. I love it. It actually suits me better than brown ever did and the whiter it gets, the better I look in my favorite black dress. And I like wearing glasses. They really suit me – and they disguise the fact that I really have no eyebrows worth speaking of. 

At seventy-one, I’m fit and trim, happy and full of vitality. I love being old. I’m having the time of my life. So are lots of the other, 'natural' elderwomen I know, in their sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties, even beyond. We are being ourselves. And we are beautiful, each in our own way, just the way we are, wrinkles, white hair, cellulite, glasses and all.

© Marian Van Eyk McCain 2007

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Culture Change in Long-Term Care

by Steph Kilen

There are lots of common fears, but one that sneaks up on folks as they get a little older is the fear of having to live in a nursing home – that is if they let themselves think about it at all. Never mind the thought of indefinitely residing in a place that looks and smells like a hospital and spending your days in a wheelchair parked in the hallway around the nurses’ station. Just try to wrap your brain around the idea of giving up the power to make the myriad of daily decisions and choices you’ve been making your whole adult life. I bet your mind tries to change the subject on you before you even get to the end of that sentence. 

Luckily, there are some people and organizations who have spent a lot of time thinking about this situation. Since it took off in the late 90s, the goal of the “culture change” movement has been to put frail elders in long-term care back in control of their lives in an environment that is more like home than institution. This requires deep change in physical environment, organizational structure and the way individuals live and work in the nursing home. Changing the culture of a nursing home is an involved process that can take years. However, here I will share just a few of the most powerful and pivotal changes a facility and the people who live and work there can make. 

The facility is broken down into smaller units to which staff is permanently assigned so that the same staff works with the same residents. 

It may start off simply by breaking up the nursing home by hallways. At its ideal, the nursing home is renovated or reconstructed to the Household Model in which 16-24 residents share a household that has its own living room, dining room, kitchen, outdoor space and entrance. As residents and permanently assigned staff get to know each other, staff can better care for elders because they build trust between them and know their preferences, dislikes, habits and moods. This is individualized care. Something else quite special happens too. In these relationships, elders have opportunities to give the way they have their whole lives. It gives meaning and purpose to their lives in a place where formally they had only been on the receiving end of care. As the people in hallways or households get to know each other, it starts to feel more like home and less like an assembly line warehouse.

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Elders have choice

In a traditional nursing home elders are told when to get up, when to eat, what to eat, when and how to bathe, when to go to bed and all sorts of other elements about how we structure our days. By breaking down the nursing home into smaller units it is possible to give elders choice in how they live. Permanently assigned, self-led work teams have the power to make and carry out decisions with the elders about all the things that make up their days, just like they did in their own homes. It’s hard to believe that this wasn’t the way things were done from the start.

Physical environment is renovated

A big part of culture change is the change of physical environment. It’s not updating a nursing homes decor to look more like a nice hotel than a hospital, it’s updating the decor so it looks like home. Residents are encouraged to bring their own furniture. They choose the paint color for their rooms and have their own treasures hung on the walls. The living spaces are cozy and inviting. The bathing room is relaxing like a spa – big fluffy towels, music, decorations and wallpaper on the walls. The gigantic nurses’ station is replaced by a small residential desk tucked into the living space (not at the center of it). And with the kitchen at the heart of the household, inviting cooking smells replace the smells of institution (which is hard to define, but you certainly know what it is.)

 We are not just talking about elite or expensive facilities here. The majority of culture change homes are non-for-profit. The people and organizations who are doing this are doing so because it is the right thing to do. And, it is really the future of nursing homes. Baby Boomers will expect more and not put up with the things their depression era parents did. This article just scratches the surface of all the wonderful changes happening in long-term care. For more information about the culture change movement visit www.culturechangenow.com.

Steph Kilen is a writer for Action Pact, a culture change education and consulting firm and can be reached at steph@actionpact.com

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THE SNOW WALL

by

Today I taught my grandchildren how to build a snow wall. Complete with a doorway. It was quite a feat for a chubby 50-something Nana, especially in light of three rather disinterested, somewhat sluggish, grandkids that had been earlier dragged away from their Nintendos, to spend a few hours outside.

We pulled into one of our city parks; it was hosting the annual speed skating festival. Bright sunshine cast magical rays upon the snow conjuring up a field of flashing diamonds; people of all ages were skating round and round; some folks were hard at work molding snow sculptures; others were boarding the back of a hay wagon pulled by a pair of massive and sweaty Percheron draft horses. A heady feeling of old-fashioned fun permeated the cool wind.

......READ THE REST OF THE STORY HERE, on Helium.com

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... and if you enjoyed Sheree's story, here's another one from her helium.com collection:

THE MOST LUCRATIVE RETURN

"What do you think of this, Nana?"

We both maintained our practiced aloof composure, my 7-year old understudy and me, as she handed me a small card filled with miniature buttons and zippers, all in their original packaging. The little scamp had found a vintage pack of Barbie and Midge sewing notions dated to the early 60s. I knew this garage sale gem would do well on eBay.

"Hmm," I said (same aloofness). "I might be able to do something with that."

We paid the pittance asked and scurried away to our car, my granddaughter infected with my excitement but not completely comprehending that we had a good thing, a very good thing...

READ THE REST OF THE STORY HERE, on Helium.com

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... and here's another message from Meredith:

I hope  you are aware of an  organization formed by some of the world's most influential living spiritual elders (www.theelders.org).

The Elders, a group of twelve leaders from throughout the world, were convened by Nelson Mandela in July 2007 on the occasion of his 89th birthday, to contribute their wisdom, independent leadership and integrity to tackle some of the world’s toughest problems. The Elders’ first mission was to Sudan in September and October 2007.

Please take time to visit The Elders' website, where you can read and sign their "Universal Declaration of Human Rights." Your attention to their efforts and your signature on this declaration is a gift each of us can give this year to the entire family of humanity. It stands you in good company with some of the wisest of teachers and leaders among us.

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'Crone' Launch Rescheduled

The debut of our new ‘Crone’ Magazine, which was due to have happened round about now,  has been rescheduled for September.

It was a bit of a disappointment for those of us on the staff, as we are so excited and so eager to see our new baby born. But it is also good news. Because the magazine will now be launched at Crones Counsel – a perfect setting – and that means there's a good chance  many of you will now be able to witness this important birth and join in the celebrations.

I would so love to be there. Unfortunately, a trip from here to Seattle is just not possible for me this year. I was on the West coast last year for a family wedding and I simply cannot justify another flight all the way over there at the moment, for all the reasons I set out in the July 2005 Newsletter (see Air Travel Angst ). But I heard a whisper that next year’s gathering will be in Atlanta, and if it is I shall probably be able to attend. I enjoy those gatherings so much.

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You still wear

that squabble over dishes,

just there, next to your eyebrow,

where he tossed

the sieve at you.

Lucky you, to see him every morning in this mirror,

the brother we loved and lost.

 
Lost, too, your teeth, to the difficult days,

those low-wage, scrimp-and-save days

of post-war poverty.

You wear dentures now.

They're OK you say, as you smile

that little, corners-down smile you learned to do

as a child, to hide the cavities. Now it's a part of you.

 
Look, there, see that funny smile?

Look, there are Dad's eyes, Mum's nose, our history. Your history.

Three marriages, five kids – a book is in that face.

Not just a book, an entire library.

A dusty one, you say.

Old fashioned.

Somewhat the worse for wear.

 
Wrong. That's a good face you have there

and you must honour it. Honour the thrusting bones

of age, the wrinkles and the thinning skin.

Moisturise it now. Your nose, your chin.

Caress with love those cheeks, that brow,

your neck as well. And ears.

It needs to last at least another twenty years.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

Contributions for this newsletter are eagerly sought. Please send in your writings, your thoughts, your poetry, a book or website you have found, an announcement or news item that you think would be interesting to others, a comment on one of these articles, a subject you'd like to see, an anecdote, something that moved you - whatever snippet you want to share. Don't be shy.

LAST LAUGH

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws 

 
1.  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

2.  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 

3.  Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 

4.  Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 

5.  The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 

6.  If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. 

7.  The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first. 

8.  The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 

9.  A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 

10.  When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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THE BRAZEN IMPOSTERS