The Elderwoman Newsletter

Issue #14, September, 2006


Sunset over Iona © Marian Van Eyk McCain 1997

Welcome to the September 2006 issue of the Elderwoman Newsletter
- an e-zine for 21st century elderwomen committed to radical aliveness.





VIEW FROM THE DESK
I'm sending the newsletter out very promptly this month because in a couple of days we shall be setting off for southern Italy, to do some hiking and exploring in and around the Cilento National Park, south of Naples.
As part of our campaign to cut down on flying (because jet travel is so damaging to the environment) we are going by train. Which is no hardship to me as I love train travel. Getting there is, after all, part of the fun.
I just wish we could also find a way of visiting our children and grandchildren in the USA without having to fly, but unfortunately we can't afford the thousands it would cost us for two transatlantic sea crossings. So we'll be catching a plane to Boston this month as well.
It feels a bit strange, setting off on a journey at this time of year (autumn, here in England) just at the time when everything seems to be slowing down, turning inwards, contracting rather than expanding. But when I said that to a friend a few days ago, she said "Just think of it as your way of going out collecting food to store for the winter ahead." What a wonderful way to re-frame it! And it's true. Whatever I experience during these times of travel and exploration nourishes the writing that I do as I huddle in the warmth of our cottage during those long winter days.

Blessings,
Marian



BITS & PIECES
Gaea Yudron, a long-time reader of (and contributor to) this newsletter, whom some of you know well from the wonderful messages she posts on our discussion board, has been having some good successes with her poetry this year. Her collection Carrying a Torch for an Old Flame reached the finals of the
Frederick Morgan Poetry Prize of Story Line Press, and her poem 'Coyote Woman Discovers Email' was included in The Best American Erotica 2006 anthology, edited by Susie Bright and published by Simon & Schuster.
I'm happy to to include another of her lovely poems in this newsletter. It is entitled 'Coming Back to the Breath' ( see below).

(Speaking of the discussion group: if there are any new subscribers -or old subscribers, come to that- who want to join the group, please let me know and I'll add your name and e-mail to the list. It's free, and even though it is hosted by Yahoo, you don't have to register with Yahoo if you don't want to. You can still send and receive group messages.)

Floating an Idea

One of Jane’s ‘Hearth elders’ group sent this in for your amusement….

About 2 years ago my partner and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard one of the P&O liners.
At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back-to-back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises."
"Yes, that's true" she said. "You see, it's cheaper than a nursing home."


So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a P&O Cruise Ship.

The average cost for a really good nursing home is currently around £700.00 per week. I checked on reservations with P&O Cruises and I can get a long term discount and a senior citizen discount price of £580.00 per week. That's a saving of £120.00 a week.

1. Gratuities will be £10.00 per week.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bed every day of the week).
3. P&O liners have as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra £5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologise for the inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on NHS; if you fall and break a hip on the P&O ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?
P&O will have a ship ready to go. So I don't wait for relatives to come and take me out.
So don't come looking for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
(ps: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side -- at no charge, thus saving on funeral costs).


FEATURE ARTICLES

Eco-Hermits: an exploration..................


by Margaret Rainbow Web

My life is a tree,
Yoke-fellow of the Earth;
Pledged
By roots too deep for remembrance
To stand against the storm
To fill my place
(But high in the branches of my green tree there is a wild bird singing:
Wind-free are the wings of my bird: She hath no mortal nest)
Karle Wilson Baker


Hermit thrush (Catharus guttatus) 

The term 'eco-hermit' seems best to describe what was my way of life until very recently. Even now I choose to live, and to spend much time, alone. But the spirit of community which has developed in my immediate neighbourhood is truly wonderful, and I have been made very much a part of this by neighbours and fellow- gardeners, many of whom have become dear friends.

To quote the modern American spiritual writer Thomas Moore:1
"I don’t think a community consists in people gathering together because they think alike. I think the best communities are groups of people who don’t think alike, who are individuals and therefore able to really love each other and be together and tolerate each other, and allow each other to go in their own directions. You end up with a real sense of community then."

In these times, when the one-person household is becoming more and more common, we need to distinguish between Hermits, and those who live alone because they have no choice, or who do so because they prefer their own space, but who have no commitment to the solitary life as a way of living more closely with the Divine.
To people who ask me: "What is a Hermit?" I offer the following very personal exploration. Having myself always been attracted by the solitary life, I have done a fair bit of research and deliberation on the subject over the years.


When looking at the lives of many hermits past and present, they seem to me to have certain things in common. In addition, I have added personal comments and views, which apply to my particular situation.

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Hermits choose to live and spend most of their time apart from other people.
Since many hermits, myself included, have a non-human companion, or live in close communication with wild things, the term "alone" is hardly appropriate.
 

Hermits have a constant awareness of dimensions of human life besides the material.

Hermits live simply, so as to be free to interact deeply with these dimensions. 

Hermits are committed to living in a way that expresses their convictions in practical terms in everyday life. 

Hermits have a deep conviction of the usefulness and power of silent contemplative prayer.

To me, "walking my talk" is itself a prayer. As John Seed, founder of the Rainforest Information Centre, once said, in an interview with Ram Dass: 2
"Unless you save the whole thing (the Earth), you can't save any of the pieces. So any attempt to be saving a little piece here and a little piece there can only be seen as a kind of prayer."
I also do my best to practice what is called 'Mindfulness' by several traditions.

Hermits use such insights as they receive for the benefit of those who seek them out for counsel; but do not necessarily actively promote them, or evangelise.The fact that someone chooses to live differently can be very confrontational to some people. And nothing is less conducive to heart and lifestyle change than being made to feel guilty, or powerless. For this reason, I am as discreet as possible in conversation, and my outside activities (eg street gardening, recycling, collecting firewood, etc.), using my website to explain what I do and why to those who are interested.

Over the many years during which I actively shared my outlook and skills, it became very clear that even those who specifically ask for information can find it hard to accept, let alone implement, if it involves inconvenience, and/or challenges their current worldview.

Hermits have to maintain themselves in some way compatible with their eremitical profession. Craft work, research, writing, counselling are ways in which many hermits generate financial support.
I now have a government old-age pension, so feel it even more important that I am meticulous in praying and working on behalf of the community which provides me with material support.

Unlike Anchorites, who seldom, if ever leave their place of habitation, hermits can and do travel when necessary. Anchorites are often reliant upon others to bring them the necessities of life. Hermits take responsibility for themselves, going out to obtain necessities, and possibly materials for building or manufacturing. They may visit people in some form of ministry e.g. counselling or spiritual direction, or visit their own spiritual director. Education, or political activity, may also require the hermit to enter the public domain from time to time.
The hermit does not isolate him/herself from the genuine needs of neighbours, or the local community, whether practical or social. Indeed, the social conscience needs constant fine-tuning, or the solitary state can easily become a personal indulgence.
I discovered in January 2000 that in time past, most Hermits were assigned, or voluntarily carried out, some form of public duty, e.g. they were gatekeepers, ferrymen, or caretakers of some kind. So my intuitions were reliable - my regular cleaning and cultivation of the lane where I live is very much in keeping with this tradition.

There is a strong eremitical tradition of offering hospitality to the traveller, and especially to the pilgrim. In the past some hermits discouraged casual callers simply by living in distant and inaccessible, sometimes inhospitable, places. Such a course is more difficult to accomplish these days, especially when hermits are obliged, or choose, to live in an urban setting.
Casual callers are seldom a problem for me - I have no mailbox, my gate is kept locked unless I am expecting someone, and is in any case not easy to find. Interestingly, those who have a genuine need still manage to make contact - they seem to appear when I am working in the garden or street, or can see them from the window. I have learned to act upon any sudden intuition to go outside.
A very few close friends, family members, and neighbours have my silent telephone number, for use in emergencies, and so far everyone has respected my wish to use the phone only if really necessary.

The maintenance of balance is important in the eremitical life. Orthodox religions have spiritual directors, whose task is to assist hermits and religious to evaluate themselves honestly, and not to escape into self-delusion or fantasy. Physical activity, healthy diet, suitable clothing and accommodation, good study habits, a sense of humour, and emotional stability are essential.
I tended to avoid radio and television until I heard the Dalai Lama say in an interview that he listened to all the world news services each morning so that he would be able to pray specifically for all the current situations. Radio, and the internet, are now the main means by which I keep myself informed. I also have an old colour TV, but I seldom watch live programmes. Instead I record selected items to watch at an appropriate time, and programmes which may be of interest to others, especially the Permaculture community.

The following quotes come from a film called "Freedom or Madness?" The producers, Albert Street Productions3, interviewed a number of Australian hermits from a variety of spiritual traditions.
  • "In some cultures, the Hermit was seen as an essential part of the social structure of a community, and was kept (supported) by the village."(Celtic tradition)
  • "Living alone.....provides one with the opportunity to feel very close to others, close to people in heart and soul.
    To open my heart and soul to people, to be fully in communion with them."
  • "In many societies the Hermit is a kind of spiritual barometer."
  • "People have said to me: 'I'm not really religious, but it's nice to know that you're there'."
  • "The hermit life does not seem to some very productive. We pray in faith, we pray because it seems the right thing to do, we let go of any idea of spiritual reward...."
  • "If you think that by becoming a hermit you can get away from yourself, you couldn't be more wrong...."
  • "God takes the initiative, and you become more and more receptive. It's a process of surrender.."'
  • "I think prayer is the most political and most subversive force on this planet!"

Orthodox traditions maintain that it is not possible to become a hermit unless you have first spent a period of time in a religious order, becoming accustomed to the necessary disciplines, rituals, and theology. Not all belief systems, however, support a worldview in which the boundaries between life-forms are dissolved, and humans are no more important than anything else; in which the divine is reflected and revered by all beings.

I, and others like me, have gradually developed an idiosyncratic lifestyle through ideological conviction; to show solidarity with the oppressed and exploited earth and all her inhabitants; and through personal experience of the dissolving boundaries between inner and outer worlds, and between ourselves and other life-forms. All of which makes it easier, in fact, imperative to live, or to spend long periods, alone.

Vows involve a ritual expressing long-term commitment, but although I have, and still do, reflect upon the concept, I have not so far felt it necessary to take such a formal step. The traditional Christian vows of Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience interest me because they appear supportive of ecological responsibility.
But they seem such a negative and life-denying way of expressing a choice of lifestyle which is privileged, joyful, and immensely satisfying.
The
celebration of natural abundance results in a kind of hedonistic frugality which needs little money to support it. This for me replaces the concept of poverty.
Chastity is often confused with celibacy, but is not at all the same thing. Refraining from sexual activity does not automatically make one chaste.
I choose to live joyfully, but in ways that
minimise causing pollution and unnecessary suffering to other life-forms .

"We underestimate damage
done to the sky
when we allow words
to slip away
into the clouds."

From Hillside, by Viggo Mortensen

Obedience is surely not blind submission to the will of another, but about serving the greater good while as far as possible maintaining personal integrity and self-discipline. This requires an ongoing development of one's powers of discernment and the deepening of self-knowledge, for all of which time spent alone is essential. It also demands that you be scrupulously, and therefore often painfully, honest with yourself. And if you are not watchful, self-examination and self-evaluation can easily develop into self-absorption.

In 1989 I decided to move from the country and commit myself to living in Public Housing in an inner city environment. I need constantly to re-affirm that commitment, because the noise, pollution, and worst of all, the spiritual poverty, of our cities increases daily. The majority of the world's people have no choice but to live in over-crowded cities, and cities have become the deserts of the soul. You are often, in fact, more alone in a city than in the countryside or the bush, and if you are senstive, you suffer, and can become extremely vulnerable. So in my own small way, I aspire to a rich life of the soul, lived in relatively uncongenial surroundings, joining my energy with that of many others to restore balance to the Earth. 

When I was allocated a tiny new house with an equally tiny garden, in a suburb close to the river and rich in trees and parklands, in what is among the most beautiful capital cities in the world, I therefore did much soul-searching before accepting it. I regarded it from the first as a sacred trust, and set about creating an earth sanctuary which now visibly affects the surrounding district, and whose energies I offer continually for the healing of the whole Earth.

"Take Right Action & remain unattached to the results" - Buddhist saying

"Await, allow, accept, attend" - Order of Julian of Norwich4

"The master does not seek fulfilment
Not seeking, not expecting,
She is present, and can welcome all things."

Tao te Ching, Stephen Mitchell translation. 5


©Margaret RainbowWeb
Adelaide, August 2006.

LINKS AND REFERENCES

Margaret's Website - Re-Earthing The Cities 
1. Thomas Moore,
2. John Seed/Ram Dass Interview
3. Albert Street Productions
4. Order Of Julian Of Norwich
5. Stephen Mitchell Translation Of Tao Te Ching

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My journey from cancer to coaching

by Mary Lunnen

Today I am providing a life coaching service helping people to move from where they are now to where they want to be, and if they don’t know where that is, helping them to find out.  On 12 May 1994 I had the experience of feeling my world tumbling about me as I sat in my GP’s surgery being told that I had cervical cancer.

How did I get from there to here?  Looking back, the themes are self discovery, awareness, life balance and developing spirituality – all topics that come up regularly in my work with my clients.  However, hindsight, as they say, is a wonderful thing.  I have found the key for me is acquiring the tools and capability to observe myself and reflect on my thoughts and actions in order to create my own reality.  I will share with you some of the turning points in my personal journey to this point.

On that day in May twelve years ago, I was working in an environment I found very stressful, I was studying part-time for an MA, I wasn’t looking after my own physical, emotional or spiritual needs, and my marriage was suffering.  The cancer diagnosis was a wake-up call.

At the time I was too busy coping with the diagnosis and treatment to realise this.  I was lucky and ‘only’ needed a radical hysterectomy.  I did not need radiotherapy or chemotherapy as many women do, but I suffered from pain due to scar tissue and adhesions for many years afterwards.

I found there was very little support available at that time in my area, though telephone services such as Bacup (now renamed Cancer Backup) were a lifeline. My emotional recovery began when I turned to complementary therapies to help myself.  Later I began collecting other women’s stories of coping with cervical cancer and compiled a book to form a resource for families and friends as well as patients affected by this disease.  It was a very proud moment when ‘Flying in the Face of Fear’ was published in October 1998 – it felt as if something good had come out of my awful experience.

Over the next few years this work led me along all sorts of avenues – conferences, voluntary work, reviewing information booklets for patients – and to a new job with Cornwall Community Health Council – the ‘patient’s watchdog’.

During this time the next big blow came: my mother - up until then an active and independent woman - suffered a severe stroke.  After three months in hospital she had to move into a nursing home.  Although I wasn’t physically caring for her daily needs, the next five years took a big emotional toll on me as I fought for the best treatment and care for her, dealt with the decision to sell her beloved home to pay the nursing home fees, and coped with finding a new place for her to live when the home closed with four weeks notice.

There were wonderful times as well, including the opportunity to sort through treasured items from her house with my mother rather than it being a sad chore after a person’s death.  We shared conversations about our beliefs in the survival of the soul and many jokes and times of laughter.  I found reiki healing helped me a lot during this time and I found a local reiki teacher who took me through levels 1 and 2 over several years.

In 2000 the government announced the abolition of the Community Health Councils (though it didn’t finally happen until December 2003) and I found the services of a life coach invaluable in helping me cope with searching for a new job and the protracted process of redundancy itself.  I found life coaching a very practical and adaptable process that pulled together personal development work, mentoring and teaching I had done in the past and I decided to retrain as a coach. 

I studied for a Certificate and then a Diploma over a period of two years and during this time I found a new post with a local college.  This is working part time as a business advisor and trainer with unemployed people wishing to start their own business, and enables me to use my life coaching skills and provides a financial safety net while also developing my private practice.  I still work with my life coach regularly and he provides support on professional aspects and for my own issues.

In April 2005 my mother passed on to be at peace and free of pain at last.  My beliefs allow me to feel her presence with me still and I have had the support of many wonderful friends and healers around me over the years.  The recent first anniversary of her death enabled me to move on from a period of grieving, rest and recuperation for myself. 
I know a new chapter is opening for me which will involve a widening of my life coaching work.   I feel I have moved on from having to ‘fly in the face of fear’ and into blooming into maturity as I move further into my fifties.   As well as working on the telephone and face to face with individual clients I am currently running a series of workshops around the country on the theme of 'Dare to Blossom'. 

© Mary Lunnen August 2006


Mary, who lives in Cornwall (England) provides a life coaching service, mainly on the telephone, for anyone who wants to achieve focus, balance and success in their lives.  She offers a free 30 minute trial session with absolutely no obligation so people can try out life coaching.  She also runs a series of one day ‘Dare to Blossom’ Life Coaching Workshops around the UK.

Mary can be contacted on 01841 540552 or on her mobile 07778 771021. You can also email her on info(at)daretoblossom.co.uk to find out more about coaching or to book a free trial session. More information on http://www.daretoblossom.co.uk

Treat yourself to a day out at one of Mary's Dare to Blossom Workshops:
16/9/06 Chacewater, Cornwall
2/10/06 Covent Garden, London
6/10/06 Alton, Hampshire

OTHER DIARY DATES

September 27 - October 1, 2006
Crones Counsel Fall Gathering at
The Millennium Harvest House Hotel in 
Boulder, Colorado.
The Colorado Crones invite you to 'Crones Journey'

For more details (and to register)
go to http://www.cronescounsel.org



March 2-4, 2007
The Elderwomen’s Connection is a weekend event organised by Women Of Wisdom in New Zealand. This will be held at the Taipa Bay Resort in the Far North of New Zealand. The goal is to provide a forum where Elderwomen can meet and share wisdom, life experiences and the celebration of the 3rd Stage of their lives. Women of all ages are welcome. We will offer workshop experiences, ideas, discussion and connection time in a safe and supportive environment. We encourage Elderwomen to embrace an enjoyable, productive 3rd age, a time of ever increasing wisdom. Our website is www.womenofwisdom.org.nz .



POETRY

Coming Back to the Breath
by Gaea Yudron

"They say Coyote dreamed up death
but who dreamed birth up?'

On the last push
it felt as if the baby catapulted
clear across the room.
oh, I hope that
somebody catches that baby
I thought to myself
and someone did.

Next thing I knew
the nurse an irritable old thing
she could have used a massage
someone making her a cup of tea
maybe a couple of chocolates
or just some serious Love beaming in
the nurse says to me
in an accusatory tone
the baby’s breathing is irregular
as if it is my fault.

I wanted to tell her
lady your breathing
would probably be irregular too
if you had just been born
and you are not doing
much positive with your breath as it is.

Instead I told her
you better bring me that baby.

A word of advice:
you can’t just lie down
and let those medical folks
walk all over you even if
you did just give birth.



The nurse fussed a little,
but she had to do it.
right is right after all
and that was right
right as rain
the way clouds move across the sky
and the wind blows across the valley
the river in its course
and the grass in the sun
that’s the way I held that baby
and nursed her
we breathed together
breath after breath
hour after hour
until her breathing calmed
and she got used to
being in plain air.

One thing I did right
one unmistaken moment
suffused with
the deep peace of love.

© Gaea Yudron 4/3/05-7/27/06

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
Contributions for this newsletter are eagerly sought. Please send in your writings, your thoughts, your pictures, your poetry, a book or website you have found, an announcement that you think would be interesting to others, a comment on one of these articles, the link to an interesting article, a subject you'd like to see, an anecdote, something that moved you - whatever snippet you want to share.

QUOTE

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature
but beautiful old people are works of art
.

- Eleanor Roosevelt -

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LAST LAUGH



        


The Elderwoman Newsletter by Marian Van Eyk McCain, September, 2006

The Elderwoman website: http://www.elderwoman.org
Marian's e-mail: marian(at)elderwoman.org 

NB: replace 'at' with the @ sign, and please remember to insert OKEM in the subject line to make sure you get through my three layers of spam filtering!
Unfortunately, the filters are a necessity to stop my in-box flooding with spam