![]() Issue #14, September, 2006 Sunset
over Iona © Marian Van Eyk McCain 1997
Welcome to the September 2006 issue of the Elderwoman Newsletter - an e-zine for 21st century elderwomen committed to radical aliveness. CONTENTS:
View from the Desk Bits & Pieces 'Floating an Idea' Feature Articles: 'Eco-Hermits' - by Margaret Rainbow Web 'My Journey from Cancer to Coaching' - by Mary Lunnen Poetry Call for Submissions Quotes Last Laugh VIEW FROM THE DESK
![]() I'm sending the newsletter out very promptly this month because in a couple of days we shall be setting off for southern Italy, to do some hiking and exploring in and around the Cilento National Park, south of Naples. As part of our campaign to cut down on flying (because jet travel is so damaging to the environment) we are going by train. Which is no hardship to me as I love train travel. Getting there is, after all, part of the fun. I just wish we could also find a way of visiting our children and grandchildren in the USA without having to fly, but unfortunately we can't afford the thousands it would cost us for two transatlantic sea crossings. So we'll be catching a plane to Boston this month as well. It feels a bit strange, setting off on a journey at this time of year (autumn, here in England) just at the time when everything seems to be slowing down, turning inwards, contracting rather than expanding. But when I said that to a friend a few days ago, she said "Just think of it as your way of going out collecting food to store for the winter ahead." What a wonderful way to re-frame it! And it's true. Whatever I experience during these times of travel and exploration nourishes the writing that I do as I huddle in the warmth of our cottage during those long winter days. ![]() Blessings, Marian BITS
& PIECES
Gaea Yudron, a long-time reader of (and contributor to) this newsletter, whom some of you know well from the wonderful messages she posts on our discussion board, has been having some good successes with her poetry this year. Her collection Carrying a Torch for an Old Flame reached the finals of the Frederick Morgan Poetry Prize of Story Line Press, and her poem 'Coyote Woman Discovers Email' was included in The Best American Erotica 2006 anthology, edited by Susie Bright and published by Simon & Schuster. I'm happy to to include another of her lovely poems in this newsletter. It is entitled 'Coming Back to the Breath' ( see below). (Speaking of the discussion group: if there are any new subscribers -or old subscribers, come to that- who want to join the group, please let me know and I'll add your name and e-mail to the list. It's free, and even though it is hosted by Yahoo, you don't have to register with Yahoo if you don't want to. You can still send and receive group messages.) ![]() Floating an Idea One of Jane’s ‘Hearth elders’ group sent this in for your amusement…. About 2 years ago my partner and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard one of the P&O liners. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back-to-back. As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises." "Yes, that's true" she said. "You see, it's cheaper than a nursing home." So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a P&O Cruise Ship. The average cost for a really good nursing home is currently around £700.00 per week. I checked on reservations with P&O Cruises and I can get a long term discount and a senior citizen discount price of £580.00 per week. That's a saving of £120.00 a week. 1. Gratuities will be
£10.00 per week.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bed every day of the week). 3. P&O liners have as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night. 4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo. 5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra £5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. 6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days. 7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologise for the inconvenience. 8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them. 9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on NHS; if you fall and break a hip on the P&O ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? P&O will have a ship ready to go. So I don't wait for relatives to come and take me out. So don't come looking for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship. (ps: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side -- at no charge, thus saving on funeral costs). ![]() Eco-Hermits: an exploration..................by Margaret Rainbow Web
My
life is a tree,
The term 'eco-hermit' seems
best to describe what was my way of life until very recently. Even now
I choose to live, and to spend much time, alone. But the spirit of
community which has developed in my immediate neighbourhood is truly
wonderful, and I have been made very much a part of this by neighbours
and fellow- gardeners, many of whom have become dear friends. In
these times,
when the one-person household is becoming more and more common, we need
to distinguish between Hermits, and those who live alone because they
have no choice, or who do so because they prefer their own space, but
who have no commitment to the solitary life as a way of living more
closely with the Divine. When looking at the lives of many hermits past and present, they seem to me to have certain things in common. In addition, I have added personal comments and views, which apply to my particular situation.
To
me, "walking my talk" is
itself a prayer. As John
Seed, founder of the Rainforest Information Centre, once said, in an
interview with Ram Dass: 2 Hermits use such
insights as they receive for the benefit of those who seek them out for
counsel; but do not necessarily actively promote them, or evangelise.The
fact
that someone chooses to live
differently can be very confrontational to some people. And nothing is
less conducive to heart and lifestyle change than being made to feel
guilty, or powerless. For this reason, I am as discreet as possible in
conversation, and my outside activities (eg street gardening,
recycling, collecting firewood, etc.), using my website to explain
what I do and why to those who are interested. Over
the many years during which I actively shared my outlook and
skills, it became very clear that even those who specifically ask for
information can find it hard to accept, let alone implement, if it
involves inconvenience, and/or challenges their current worldview. Hermits have to
maintain themselves in some way compatible with their eremitical
profession. Craft work, research, writing, counselling are ways in
which many hermits generate financial support. I now have a government old-age pension, so feel it even more important that I am meticulous in praying and working on behalf of the community which provides me with material support. Unlike
Anchorites,
who seldom, if ever leave their place of habitation, hermits can and do
travel when necessary. Anchorites are often reliant upon others to
bring them the necessities of life. Hermits take responsibility for
themselves, going out to obtain necessities, and possibly materials for
building or manufacturing. They may visit people in some form of
ministry e.g. counselling or spiritual direction, or visit their own
spiritual director. Education, or political activity, may also require
the hermit to enter the public domain from time to time.The
hermit does
not isolate him/herself from the genuine needs of neighbours, or the
local community, whether practical or social. Indeed, the social
conscience needs constant fine-tuning, or the solitary state can easily
become a personal indulgence.
I discovered in January 2000 that in time past, most Hermits were assigned, or voluntarily carried out, some form of public duty, e.g. they were gatekeepers, ferrymen, or caretakers of some kind. So my intuitions were reliable - my regular cleaning and cultivation of the lane where I live is very much in keeping with this tradition. There is a strong
eremitical tradition of offering hospitality to the traveller, and
especially to the pilgrim. In the past some hermits discouraged casual
callers simply by living in distant and inaccessible, sometimes
inhospitable, places. Such a course is more difficult to accomplish
these days, especially when hermits are obliged, or choose, to live in
an urban setting. Casual callers are seldom a problem for me - I have no mailbox, my gate is kept locked unless I am expecting someone, and is in any case not easy to find. Interestingly, those who have a genuine need still manage to make contact - they seem to appear when I am working in the garden or street, or can see them from the window. I have learned to act upon any sudden intuition to go outside. A very few close friends, family members, and neighbours have my silent telephone number, for use in emergencies, and so far everyone has respected my wish to use the phone only if really necessary. The
maintenance of balance is important in the
eremitical life. Orthodox religions have spiritual directors, whose
task is to assist hermits and religious to evaluate themselves
honestly, and not to escape into self-delusion or fantasy. Physical
activity, healthy diet, suitable clothing and accommodation, good study
habits, a sense of humour, and emotional stability are essential. I tended to avoid radio and television until I heard the Dalai Lama say in an interview that he listened to all the world news services each morning so that he would be able to pray specifically for all the current situations. Radio, and the internet, are now the main means by which I keep myself informed. I also have an old colour TV, but I seldom watch live programmes. Instead I record selected items to watch at an appropriate time, and programmes which may be of interest to others, especially the Permaculture community. ![]()
Orthodox traditions maintain that it is not possible to become a hermit unless you have first spent a period of time in a religious order, becoming accustomed to the necessary disciplines, rituals, and theology. Not all belief systems, however, support a worldview in which the boundaries between life-forms are dissolved, and humans are no more important than anything else; in which the divine is reflected and revered by all beings. I, and others like me, have gradually developed an idiosyncratic lifestyle through ideological conviction; to show solidarity with the oppressed and exploited earth and all her inhabitants; and through personal experience of the dissolving boundaries between inner and outer worlds, and between ourselves and other life-forms. All of which makes it easier, in fact, imperative to live, or to spend long periods, alone.
Vows
involve a ritual expressing long-term commitment, but although I have,
and still do, reflect upon the concept, I have not so far felt it
necessary to take such a formal step. The traditional Christian vows of
Poverty,
Chastity, and Obedience
interest me because they appear supportive of ecological
responsibility. "We underestimate damage Obedience is surely not blind submission to the will of another, but about serving the greater good while as far as possible maintaining personal integrity and self-discipline. This requires an ongoing development of one's powers of discernment and the deepening of self-knowledge, for all of which time spent alone is essential. It also demands that you be scrupulously, and therefore often painfully, honest with yourself. And if you are not watchful, self-examination and self-evaluation can easily develop into self-absorption. In 1989 I decided to move from the country and commit myself to living in Public Housing in an inner city environment. I need constantly to re-affirm that commitment, because the noise, pollution, and worst of all, the spiritual poverty, of our cities increases daily. The majority of the world's people have no choice but to live in over-crowded cities, and cities have become the deserts of the soul. You are often, in fact, more alone in a city than in the countryside or the bush, and if you are senstive, you suffer, and can become extremely vulnerable. So in my own small way, I aspire to a rich life of the soul, lived in relatively uncongenial surroundings, joining my energy with that of many others to restore balance to the Earth. When I was allocated a tiny new house with an equally tiny garden, in a suburb close to the river and rich in trees and parklands, in what is among the most beautiful capital cities in the world, I therefore did much soul-searching before accepting it. I regarded it from the first as a sacred trust, and set about creating an earth sanctuary which now visibly affects the surrounding district, and whose energies I offer continually for the healing of the whole Earth. "Take Right Action
& remain unattached to the results" - Buddhist
saying
"Await, allow, accept, attend" - Order of Julian of Norwich4 "The master
does not seek fulfilment
Today I am providing a life
coaching service helping people to move
from where they are now to where they want to be, and if they
don’t know where that is, helping them to find out.
On 12 May 1994 I had the experience of feeling my world tumbling about
me as I sat in my GP’s surgery being told that I had cervical
cancer.
How did I get from there to here? Looking back, the themes are self discovery, awareness, life balance and developing spirituality – all topics that come up regularly in my work with my clients. However, hindsight, as they say, is a wonderful thing. I have found the key for me is acquiring the tools and capability to observe myself and reflect on my thoughts and actions in order to create my own reality. I will share with you some of the turning points in my personal journey to this point. ![]() At the time I was too busy coping
with the diagnosis and treatment to
realise this. I was lucky and ‘only’
needed a radical hysterectomy. I did not need radiotherapy or
chemotherapy as many women do, but I suffered from pain due to scar
tissue and adhesions for many years afterwards.
I found there was very little support available at that time in my area, though telephone services such as Bacup (now renamed Cancer Backup) were a lifeline. My emotional recovery began when I turned to complementary therapies to help myself. Later I began collecting other women’s stories of coping with cervical cancer and compiled a book to form a resource for families and friends as well as patients affected by this disease. It was a very proud moment when ‘Flying in the Face of Fear’ was published in October 1998 – it felt as if something good had come out of my awful experience. Over the next few years this work led me along all sorts of avenues – conferences, voluntary work, reviewing information booklets for patients – and to a new job with Cornwall Community Health Council – the ‘patient’s watchdog’. During this time the next big
blow came: my mother - up until
then an active and independent woman - suffered a severe
stroke. After three months in hospital she had to move into a
nursing home. Although I wasn’t physically caring
for her daily needs, the next five years took a big emotional toll on
me as I fought for the best treatment and care for her, dealt with the
decision to sell her beloved home to pay the nursing home fees, and
coped with finding a new place for her to live when the home closed
with four weeks notice.
There were wonderful times as well, including the opportunity to sort through treasured items from her house with my mother rather than it being a sad chore after a person’s death. We shared conversations about our beliefs in the survival of the soul and many jokes and times of laughter. I found reiki healing helped me a lot during this time and I found a local reiki teacher who took me through levels 1 and 2 over several years. In 2000 the government announced the abolition of the Community Health Councils (though it didn’t finally happen until December 2003) and I found the services of a life coach invaluable in helping me cope with searching for a new job and the protracted process of redundancy itself. I found life coaching a very practical and adaptable process that pulled together personal development work, mentoring and teaching I had done in the past and I decided to retrain as a coach. I studied for a Certificate and
then a Diploma over a period of two
years and during this time I found a new post with a local
college. This is working part time as a business advisor and
trainer with unemployed people wishing to start their own business, and
enables me to use my life coaching skills and provides a financial
safety net while also developing my private practice. I still
work with my life coach regularly and he provides support on
professional aspects and for my own issues.
In April 2005 my mother passed on to be at peace and free of pain at last. My beliefs allow me to feel her presence with me still and I have had the support of many wonderful friends and healers around me over the years. The recent first anniversary of her death enabled me to move on from a period of grieving, rest and recuperation for myself. ![]() © Mary
Lunnen August 2006
Mary, who lives in Cornwall (England) provides a life coaching service, mainly on the telephone, for anyone who wants to achieve focus, balance and success in their lives. She offers a free 30 minute trial session with absolutely no obligation so people can try out life coaching. She also runs a series of one day ‘Dare to Blossom’ Life Coaching Workshops around the UK. Mary can be contacted on 01841 540552 or on her mobile 07778 771021. You can also email her on info(at)daretoblossom.co.uk to find out more about coaching or to book a free trial session. More information on http://www.daretoblossom.co.uk ![]() Treat yourself to a day out at one of Mary's Dare to Blossom Workshops: 16/9/06 Chacewater, Cornwall 2/10/06 Covent Garden, London 6/10/06 Alton, Hampshire OTHER DIARY
DATES
![]() September 27 - October 1, 2006 Crones Counsel Fall Gathering at The Millennium Harvest House Hotel in Boulder, Colorado. The Colorado Crones invite you to 'Crones Journey' For more details (and to register) go to http://www.cronescounsel.org ![]() March 2-4, 2007 The Elderwomen’s Connection is a weekend event organised by Women Of Wisdom in New Zealand. This will be held at the Taipa Bay Resort in the Far North of New Zealand. The goal is to provide a forum where Elderwomen can meet and share wisdom, life experiences and the celebration of the 3rd Stage of their lives. Women of all ages are welcome. We will offer workshop experiences, ideas, discussion and connection time in a safe and supportive environment. We encourage Elderwomen to embrace an enjoyable, productive 3rd age, a time of ever increasing wisdom. Our website is www.womenofwisdom.org.nz .
Contributions for this newsletter are eagerly sought. Please send in your writings, your thoughts, your pictures, your poetry, a book or website you have found, an announcement that you think would be interesting to others, a comment on one of these articles, the link to an interesting article, a subject you'd like to see, an anecdote, something that moved you - whatever snippet you want to share. QUOTE Beautiful
young people are accidents of nature LAST LAUGH ![]() ![]() The Elderwoman Newsletter by Marian Van Eyk McCain, September, 2006 The Elderwoman website: http://www.elderwoman.org Marian's e-mail: marian(at)elderwoman.org NB: replace 'at' with the @ sign, and please remember to insert OKEM in the subject line to make sure you get through my three layers of spam filtering! Unfortunately, the filters are a necessity to stop my in-box flooding with spam |